ok so stress stress stress....considering i have dance 24/7 now and im so commited to it ive been beat terribly...but its over now...and pom getsi n the way, state is on the 9th..so all of you losers  not taking the ACT need to come to OCU and watch :) it will be spectacular :)...got alot going on now..lots of practicing and to top it all off now having the grades to even go anywhere..supposively 4 B's doesnt help a bit..but that 22 i made on the ACT was short from what i could do..hopefully i will get a 25 or 26 next time..maybe possible a 28..i got the capability to so im just pleased on how i did the first time...almost 4 months for me and ryan..its a beautiful thing..:) and thanksgiving is coming up soon, im ready to eat liek a pig, after i started losing weight though! im kidna sad in this though because of dance i cant go to wednesday church alot, i think we wont have practice on wednesday in december all that much so maybe..possibly i can go to church for once..that would be splenderific.....i miss church, its just all been consumed by one special thing i love, but i will be there some atleast, i just never know whats going on...i dont really know what i want anymore..everything is seeming to fall into place but at the same time it seems skewedi  dontk now how to fixit though..what can i do? oh well...ryan gets me through it..he actually took me on a date..lol never done that..even have a picnic and everything, how sweet right? yeha i know.. and brigns me lunch at school..but other than being nice hes now my best friend and i adore him for it :) hugs and kisses to all
<3 Jorday

ah seems as if i havent updated since spring break so here we go, its tennis season, yes, and its getting worse by the time, im not only physically tired but mentally also..so stressed..

my knee hurts badly, plicas are bad, i pray you dont get them, because of these i must live with it for the rest of my life..which means my knee will be swollen until the day im put underground, hopefully a surgery will put it back to normal..if not..i will be done with everything imaginable, even if i want to play tennis for college, the pain is unbearable..

i have one friend as i can see, and it seems like thats all i can have, bruster is the best, being around him actually takes me away from my dark places, shooting potatoes out of a spud launcher hehe, and a simple piggy back ride to that one place that he put together, loser..who knew spending a whole day with him would make us so close

i want to grow spiritually, for some reaso i have this feeling i need to sing in church and wondered how i didnt have this blessing before, god, how stupid was i..who would know that one easter sermon would turn your aspects of christ around, i want to go into ministry..it only seems right..

my resolution for 2006 was to not have so much drama and stay out of trouble, and now that i even try to stay out of trouble, something from the past creeps up and takes my happiness away, seems like when the end of suffering iscoming up something else has to pop up and make it longer, i have basically been deprived and grounded since december 26th, for various reasons, some stupid, others understandable but also unfair,its like im supposed to be the perfect child, why cant i atleast have some faults, straight A's arent everything and what i did that night was my bsuiness not officer mashores to spread around, they dont even know him, they shouldnt judge..

seems liek im a failure lately, everything i do has to be to make someone else happy, putting myself down in the process, when will this end...all this torment, they dont even know im hurting so bad, one more argument and it will be the end of me, maybe that is why i have ha dsuch an attitude lately towards my parents...because im sick of their reasoning..

he makes me happy, all the way to the core, its teh greatest feeling ever when im with him, then, they take it away, i want my happiness back...

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